Fanfiction of Fanfiction

As the title says, this is a work of Fanfiction from another Fanfiction. A Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Fancfiction centered on the couple KuroFai. This fic is inspired by ALL THAT I AM by ROXIE ARCHER whose awesome fic made me all squeal and angsty. I suggest you to go straight to www.fanfiction.net/s/5385137/1/All-That-I-Am and read her brilliant work first. Or else this fic might not make any sense. I made this fic around chapter 1-3. Dunno if I want to make more of it yet. Roxie's work on ALL THAT I AM are just too amazing I can't help but feeling angsty myself while writing this. Kyuuun~
Well, disclaimer and all, you know I don't own TRC 'cause if I do, it will all be KuroFai-centric with angsty dejected Fai and the usually amazing Kuro-pon. Enjoy~

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The first night we shared a room, I thought he would collect his ‘payment’ right away. After we dined, he said that I shouldn’t ask for the change because he would throw it for a motel room. Oh, of course, I thought. A man like him needs to be satisfied.
When we reached the room I hurried for the bathroom. I felt filthy and I guess he wouldn’t like it. I emerged from the bathroom and found him lying asleep on our single bed. I huffed, at least like this I can take control.
I straddled him and started the warm ups when his eyes suddenly opened wide and he shoved me away with a curse.
I was ready to bump onto the hard floor. Perhaps I did something he doesn’t like so he shoved me away. But I didn’t feel the pain from being thrown out of bed. Instead, pair of strong arms gripped mine, holding me secure.
I was dumbstruck for a moment and he started shouted at me, asking what the hell was I think I was doing. Of course I answered honestly, for I was still confused and didn’t understand a thing. He grunted and said that he didn’t want ‘that shit’. I was getting more and more confused, I asked him then why he ordered only one bed. He answered that it was the only one left so I have to go with it, like it or not.
I was really, genuinely, confused. I said that I don’t want to owe anyone anything. He said that I don’t. He told me to shut it and go to sleep. He rolled to the other side of the bed and tried to sleep. He did after a while.
But I, wide awake with face against the wall, could not find the luxury to doze off to sleep at all. I was tracking back to what he was saying, trying to figure out this man who was asleep next to me.
He was really like a dog, always barking and growling and never acts gentle. He said he didn't want it and acted like it disgusts him. He shoved me off him then held my arms so I didn't thrown off of the bed. He shouted curses to me then said that I don’t owe anything and that I have to go to sleep.
Slowly, a smile curled on my lips, “You... are so mean...”
I felt hollow.

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The second night we shared a bed, he still didn't touch me.
That time I knew for real that the motel only had one bed-one room for I was standing next to him when he almost declined the offer.
I assumed it was the box of luck doing.
I bathed again, this time for the sake of doing it and I enjoyed it.
My mind kept drifting towards the other man behind these walls doing soundless who-knows-what. Possibly sleeping again.
By impulse, I called him. To my surprise, he made a sound of acknowledgement. I blurted the first thing in my mind; I asked him to wash my back.
He growled some curses and I faked a laugh. Stupid, stupid, I scolded myself. Why would he wash my back? We’ve known each other for only a few days and he always looked so annoyed around me. I didn’t know why but it made me feel slightly more hopeless.
I shook my head and tried to clear the things in my head. I decided that drown it in the water for a few moments might help.
I didn’t know how long I was drifting between consciousness in the water when something strong pulled me out from the water and into consciousness. I gasped and tried to make out my surroundings. It was him.
He growled and shouted some things I couldn’t really hear. His grip on my arms was very strong and I complained softly to him. He snapped out from his rage and loosened his grip, but it stayed on my arms.
He asked what was I doing, and I said I was rinsing my hair. Smart me, always find excuses.
I tried to light up his anger again and told him that while he was here, he should wash my back nevertheless.
To my surprise, he really did. With a few grumbles he took the cloth from my hand started to wash my back in calming circles.
Again, I was dumbstruck.
I curled myself and tucked my chin on my knees.
He stayed in the same bed as me and he didn’t touch me. He harshly rejected my offer and then came to do it with such gentle touches. He disapproved almost everything of me and he came barging in because he is worried.
Was it all true, now, before? Was it only me?
Why do you have to be so hard to understand?

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He didn’t sleep that night.
I was hardly asleep too so I noticed. I latched my arms around him so he wouldn’t go anywhere. So he couldn’t go anywhere.
I had a feeling that he would leave me soon and I didn’t want it.
I said to myself that that was because I was still had quite a long way to go.
I know I lied. It’s my job to pretend anyway. Even to myself.
I did make him stayed until morning. He tried to get off me a few times at night, but I guess he didn’t try too hard. Or maybe I was just stubborn.
At 6 in the morning however, I guess he had enough. He tried to pry me off, a little more with force then, but still not strong enough to actually hurt me. I could try harder, but then he would notice that I was awake all along.
I watched him slid off the bed and snatched his duffle bag from the slit of my eyes.
That’s it, I thought. He is going to leave me. Our journey ends here.
I didn’t know why but my chest ached.
When he left our room I stayed in my position on the bed. My eyes opened and I stared at the ceiling. I didn’t really understand what I was expecting. I know that this would happen eventually. It’s just the matter of time.
An hour later, when I already getting off the bed and finished my bath, the knob of the door moved. I thought that maybe the motel servant was going to clean up the room already. The words to ask the person to wait a moment were on the tip of my tongue.
When I saw that it was no servant.
It was him.
I must be looked shocked because he growled and threw me a paper bag. He said it was a proper meal for breakfast. He also brought me coffee and a bunch of creamer. He said he didn’t know what I like and I will just be bitching about it later if he doesn’t get it so he did.
I took the bag gratefully. He was so good to me and I couldn’t help it but feeling warm.
He was still grouchy and mean, but the thought of leaving him still made me unhappy.
Even though I know I would have to leave him. Even though I knew he wasn’t the one for me.
I couldn’t help it but drawing nearer to him.

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I know he wanted to go straight to California. I know that he wouldn’t want any more delay. I know that he is annoyed by me that always whining around him. I know he hated it when I made him lose control and attracted other people’s attention. I know he could see right through me.
And yet, I still did. I still hung around him, clinging onto him, forcing him to do things he didn’t want to.
But it wasn’t entirely my fault. Really, it wasn’t.
It was also his fault that he gave up being dragged around by me. It was also his fault for not forcing me with his strength to go with his way. It was also his fault that he enjoyed the moment we walked into the Japanese culture section. It was his fault he showed me things he fond of and explained it with such seriousness. It was his fault he took my wrist and dragged it so gently to follow his lead to the next display. It was his fault that I paid more attention to his face, to the way he talked, to the different tones in his voice, rather than what he explained.
It was entirely his fault.

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At first I like the cafe. It was nice, clean, and it has cosy outdoor tables. It lifted my dropping mood a little.
But not anymore.
Instead, the cafe then made my mood worsened.
I was babbling about the surroundings, and that this cafe might even be considered romantic and on and on and on, when I realized that he didn’t pay any attention.
Sure, he never looked at me whenever I talk. He was rarely even look at me.
But I always know that he listened to me, even if he hated it, even if he only half listening.
And now he didn’t listen. At all.
He was busy keeping his gaze on something besides us. I followed his gaze and spotted what, or more specifically; who, had caught his attention away from me.
I gritted my teeth and almost sure I could hear it clatter. But of course, said man didn’t even notice. His gaze was fixed to the wispy-platinum-blondie with glasses next to our table.
That guy is cute, awfully so. He also seemed good-mannered, and polite. A hundred percent different from me.
I took a breath and pressed my insignificant feelings away. I would not lose. I would not show weakness. I would not let him see what he can do to me.
After all, he is no one to me and I am no one to him.
He is not my fairy tale.

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